Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Beta Purgatory

I've had a trying few days and it's not over yet. After my low beta on Friday, I spent the weekend preparing myself for the inevitable loss that was to come on Monday. I kept myself occupied did a lot of retail therapy. We had originally planned to go to the beach this week with my in-laws. I decided it wasn't all bad at least I didn't have to go to work and I could drown my sorrows in a margarita or two. So we decided to leave Tuesday morning (since I had to redo the beta test on Monday).

On Monday I went shopping with my cousin. I just couldn't sit at home and wait for the test results I had to be up and about. Anyway, so I get the call from the clinic in the afternoon. My nurse says that my Beta is rising nicely! It has more than tripled! It is up to 71 right now. However, it is still low and they are concerned and want to repeat the test on Wednesday morning. I could barely contain myself. I immediately called my husband my Mom and my sister and gave them the good news. Well, the IF Gods weren't done playing their game with me yet. An hour after I got the 2nd beta results, I started bleeding. Not spotting, bleeding. I called the clinic and waited for what seemed an eternity for my nurse to call me back. She said it could be the start of a miscarriage and there's not much that can be done about it. All I can do is wait until Wednesday and re-take the blood test. Oh, and I shouldn't leave town (There goes our beach vacation) You can imagine how terrible I felt. Over the past few days I believe I have felt every emotion known to womankind, fear, grief, anger, frustration, loss, hope, joy, ....

Anyway, the bleeding stopped yesterday. I don't even know if I should take that as a good sign. I am incapable of feeling one way or another about anything anymore. I went in for my beta today and am waiting to hear back from the clinic. Thank you all for your kind comments and well wishes.

5 comments:

2roads said...

That's the worst roller coaster ride, ever! Oh, Joonie. I'll hang on to the hope and maybe today you'll finally have some answers so you can have some peace of mind. I'll be checking in and hoping for the very best.

Pepper said...

Joonie, I'm so sorry for the beta hell! It must be such torture. I've been thinking about you the past few days and will continue to send good thoughts for your next beta result. xo

Jess said...

So sorry you are stuck in this hell...hang in there a little longer. I'll be thinking of you and hoping the very very best for the next beta number. Please keep us posted!!!!

Shel said...

sending good thoughts and prayers your way

mybabyquest.wordpress.com said...

This is just awful. I hope that you get some good news.