Monday, June 23, 2008

Why don't you adopt?

Yesterday I was at my nephew's birthday party, he turned 12, when my Mom asked me out of the blue: "Joonie why don't you adopt a kid?" I was so taken aback by that question, I didn't know what to say. I was pondering a response as I was stuffing cake into my mouth, when my Mom realized that I hadn't really been paying attention to the conversation in the room for the last 15 minutes. So she went on to say, "You know, I mean like when you send money for kids in a third world country" I, breathing a sigh of relief said. "Sure. I will".

The truth of the matter is I haven't seriously considered adoption (the non-TV kind) yet. I haven't ruled it out, but I haven't given it much thought. I know that the process of adoption is very invasive to one's privacy. You have to provide all sorts of personal information about yourself and your family to the adoption agencies, etc. I'm not sure my husband will ever go for that. He is an intensely private person to the point of being paranoid. The man shreds all of our junk mail, even advertisement fliers. We have an unlisted number at our house that nobody knows about. My family and friends only call me on my cell phone (they don't have the home phone number). These are just a couple of examples that I can think of off the top of my head. So, I really don't think he'd be up for the providing all the info that goes into adoption paperwork.

7 comments:

Baby Step said...

Ugh, I hate the "Why don't you just adopt comment". I get it all the time. The only person who I don't mind saying it is my co-worker who was adopted himself...he said, 'If you adopt, you could end up with a son just like me!' It was pretty cute. But it is true, people think that adopting is "the easy answer". My friend just adopted a baby, she paid $50,000 out of pocket (with all the legal fees, etc) and it took her FOUR years to finally bring a baby home -- this was along with last minute heart breaks (adoptions falling through), etc. People say it is the only way you can guarantee to bring home a baby -- I don't know. It isn't that easy. I am on the fence too. I have this IVF and one more if it doesn't work, and then I may take a break for a year or two...and then discuss it with my husband. He is totally against it (although I have realized that he usually comes around...he was totally against IVF too, and look where we are now!)

I added you to my blogroll. :-)

chicklet said...

I hate that line too, the 'why not adopt' line, like it's just so easy. Funny that she was talking tv-adopt, but still. It's a lot to process, you can't "just adopt".

Pepper said...

I'm glad your mom didn't mean what it seemed like she meant at first. That question ignores the fact that adoption isn't perfect or easy and sometimes you just have a biological desire to carry a child. Or to have one genetically connected to your family. There's nothing wrong with that; nothing at all.

Wannabe Mom said...

OMG... I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to imagine what it must have been like to be getting the betas doubling and seeing the baby on ultrasound only to have it taken away from you. Thank you for sharing your story.

2roads said...

Joonie, Sorry to be so absent from your comments, we were evacuated from our house, but are home now. I've been thinking about you everyday.

seriously? said...

Hi thanks for stopping by earlier. I am sorry for your loss, it must be very difficult.

I think we should all adopt TV kids, this way, when people say why don't you just adopt/you can always adpot. You can tell them you did off TV.

Evil Stepmonster said...

So sorry for your heartbreak. People seem to come out of the woodwork with their stupid lines when we are struggling with a loss, but I'm glad your mom saved you from that awkward situation.

There's no way my husband would cope with the adoption scrutiny either.