Monday, October 27, 2008

Status Update and a Meme

Last week, I ended up telling my team at work that I am pregnant. I actually wanted to keep it to myself a bit longer, but my hand was forced. I had called a staff meeting and they had all assembled in the conference room. As soon as I walked in, I smelled a colleagues perfume which triggered my nausea and sent me running out of the conference room and into the bathroom. I had to spend a little time in the bathroom to clean up and regain my composure. Then I walked back into the conference room apologizing for running out and announcing my pregnancy and sensitivity to smells and requested that perfumes be toned down for a few months around me.

I had hoped for a more graceful way of announcing my pregnancy, but at least that's now behind me. That's good, since I'm already showing (isn't it too early to show at 11 weeks?).

Other than that I've been taking it one day at a time. I have my bouts with nausea and vomiting, which make me miserable and happy at the same time.

And also I have been tagged. Thanks, Jill. You're as always so good to me. All the answers to this meme need to be just one word.

1. Where is your cell phone? on my desk
2. Where is your significant other? home
3. Your hair color? black
4. Your mother? Mary
5. Your father? Alan
6. Your favorite thing? eating
7. Your dream last night? alien invasion
8. Your dream/goal? happiness
9. The room you’re in? office
10. Your hobby? knitting
11. Your fear? failure
12. Where do you want to be in six years? Europe
13. Where were you last night? my aunt's house
14. What you’re not? patient
15. One of your wish list items? boots
16. Where you grew up? on the beach
17. The last thing you did? took a walk
18. What are you wearing? a dress
19. Your T.V.? large screen
20. Your pet? Atilla
21. Your computer? laptop
22. Your mood? anxious
23. Missing someone? cousin
24. Your car? Audi
25. Something you’re not wearing? earings
26. Favorite store? yarn shop
27. Your Summer? lovely
28. Love someone? my husband
29. Your favorite color? purple
30. When is the last time you laughed? last night
31. Last time you cried? last night

I know I'm supposed to pass this on and tag some people, but my lovely friend pepper hasn't been blogging for a while and I don't mean to intrude on her privacy and force her out, if she's not ready. Pepper just know that I'm thinking of you.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

It's all worth it

So I had my doctor's appointment yesterday. She said that she'd use the Doppler to listen to the baby's heartbeat. Wouldn't you know it, she searched around and around and there was nothing. At this point, I was about to have a heart attack. So she says, let's do a sonogram. So she puts the wand inside of me and she has the screen turned towards her which makes me panic even more. So finally she turns the screen towards me without saying a word and I'm struggling to make anything out when suddenly I see what looks like a baby raising its hand. At this point I say: "Is that what I think it is?". The doctor smiling says, yes your baby is saying Hi Mom. It was incredible, there it was the little one, alive and well and kicking up a storm. I had tears rolling down my face.

I haven't been this happy in a very long time! I cannot believe I've made it this far. I am 10 weeks pregnant! For the first time, I'm starting to believe that this could actually work.

As always, thank you all for helping me hold on to my sanity throughout this whole process.

Monday, October 13, 2008

9 Weeks

My first pregnancy was lost at 9 weeks, and no matter how hard I try to put that out of my mind and think positive thoughts, I'm not able to. My next appointment is next Monday (at 10 weeks). At times I find myself trying to come up with an excuse to call the OB office and get an earlier appointment. Then I tell myself that it probably is a good idea to give myself a break from ultrasounds since I still have a subchorionic bleed and and shoving the ultrasound wand inside there every week can't be good for that.

Over the weekend, I was practically paralyzed with fear, scrutinizing every pregnancy symptom or lack thereof. I know, it doesn't make any sense. Specially since I have always had all of my pregnancy symptoms leading all the way up to a pregnancy loss, i.e. pregnancy symptoms do not equal live baby. But what else do I have to cling to?

I think lack of physical activity has contributed to my state of mind. I'm still not allowed any form of physical activity, forget about aerobics, I can't even take walks or do yoga. As Dr. Niceguy put it, "Do as little as possible to get through the day". All this stillness is driving me crazy, making me look inwards and obsessively analyze every sensation, every feeling, every thought.

Oh, if I could just get through this week (she says repeatedly...)

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Internal Conflict

I'm starting to believe that my body just doesn't know how to coexist with the babies. It's either me or them. My body has managed to miscarry and misplace my previous embryos. The little one I'm carrying right now, however, is a fighter. It tried to take me out over the weekend. At least that's what it felt like. I couldn't keep any food or water down over the weekend. I was hungry, dehydrated and nauseous for 48 hours which made me think I was going to die.

So an emergency visit to my REs office on Monday morning revealed that the little one is doing fine, but I am severely dehydrated. The nurses hooked me up to an IV for fluids and Dr. Hotstuff prescribed Zofran for the nausea and sent me to see my regular OB.

In the afternoon, when I was properly hydrated, I went to the my new OBs office and had them remove the IV and had my first appointment with the new Doctor, I'll call him Dr. NiceGuy. He was sweet and empathetic, and told me that I should take it easy and everything is OK and I probably have Hyperemesis Gravidarium (severe nausea and vomiting) and the Zofran should take care of that, and does it ever! I'm telling you ladies I was apprehensive about taking any drugs during pregnancy, but this one was like a miracle drug. After only one dose, I was able to drink Gatorade and eat some crackers. It was awesome!

So it seems like my lovley parasite and I are going to be able to coexist for now thanks to the marvels of modern medicine.