My first pregnancy was lost at 9 weeks, and no matter how hard I try to put that out of my mind and think positive thoughts, I'm not able to. My next appointment is next Monday (at 10 weeks). At times I find myself trying to come up with an excuse to call the OB office and get an earlier appointment. Then I tell myself that it probably is a good idea to give myself a break from ultrasounds since I still have a subchorionic bleed and and shoving the ultrasound wand inside there every week can't be good for that.
Over the weekend, I was practically paralyzed with fear, scrutinizing every pregnancy symptom or lack thereof. I know, it doesn't make any sense. Specially since I have always had all of my pregnancy symptoms leading all the way up to a pregnancy loss, i.e. pregnancy symptoms do not equal live baby. But what else do I have to cling to?
I think lack of physical activity has contributed to my state of mind. I'm still not allowed any form of physical activity, forget about aerobics, I can't even take walks or do yoga. As Dr. Niceguy put it, "Do as little as possible to get through the day". All this stillness is driving me crazy, making me look inwards and obsessively analyze every sensation, every feeling, every thought.
Oh, if I could just get through this week (she says repeatedly...)