Friday, March 28, 2008

It's a doggy-dog world

A few days ago, I started losing hope on this cycle. Up until Tuesday of this week I was optimistic, but somewhere mid-week it started to go downhill. It all started with my dog. I have two dogs a Great Dane and a Foxhound. I believe my Great Dane can smell pregnancy. I know, I didn't believe it either the first time it happened. Last year, when I was pregnant (about 5 days before I took an HPT), my dog kept circling me and sniffing at my belly button. I thought that was strange behavior and didn't put much stock into it. However, his behavior continued throughout my pregnancy and stopped after my miscarriage. My husband thought that I am exaggerating, and said maybe you're using a new lotion and he likes the scent. Last summer I had a chemical pregnancy, and my dog exhibited the same behavior. Coincidence? I don't think so.

Anyway, my dog has not been paying any special attention to me. My husband pointed out that we have since gotten our dog neutered and maybe he has lost his ability to detect pregnancy. I reluctantly accepted his explanation. Last night, I started having period-like cramps. So I caved in and took an HPT this morning. The results: BFN! I am 11dp3dt, so the results should be accurate.

I don't know what to do with myself right now. I haven't told my husband yet. Talking about it will only make it more real. Why do they do the Beta Test so late? This is not right. Why do I have to continue this sham and take the PIO shots and the estrogen pills and pretend that there is still hope when I know there is none? Or is there?

8 comments:

Pepper said...

Joonie, I am so sorry! This absolutely bites and is so unfair. Not fair at all.

Sometimes I wonder if the nagging doubts we have during the day preceding the BFN make the BFN easier or harder. I think the answer is that the disappointment is so utterly complete and it doesn't matter if excitement or hesitation preceded it.

Maybe if you call the doctor and tell them about the HPT result they'll have you come in sooner for the beta? At least you won't have to continue with the shots.

I'm so sorry, sweetie. I wish I could do something to help.

Io said...

Hi Joonie, Pepper said you were feeling down after a bfn. I'm sorry that it doesn't seem hopeful right now. Just thought you should know random weirdos on the internet are thinking about you.

my cowgirl alter-ego said...

I'm coming from Pepper. I'm so sorry.

And I agree with Pepper. Call the RE for your own sanity.

Sending thoughts and love your way.

jp said...

I'm here from Pepper's-

I agree with those commenting above, call and ask for a beta-

So sorry to hear about your disappointment.

Jess said...

Pepper sent me too. Sorry to hear about the BFN...it just sucks. And sorry you have to wait for the beta. Ugh. Please do something nice for yourself.

Paranoid said...

I'm sorry to hear about your BFN. I agree, it sucks to have to keep taking the shots when you know darn well it's for no good reason.

BTW, I found your blog last week, while I was sweating out my own own 2ww, and I also got a negative this week. So I'm right there with you.

Freyja said...

Coming over from Pepper's place... I don't know the answer to your question but I am sorry you're dealing with such a crushing dissappointment. It just sucks.

Evil Stepmonster said...

I'm conflicted. 11p3dt is pretty early in my book so I'm hoping your hpt is wrong. But the dog thing is pretty convincing. Its so hard....

I wish you good luck, and await the official result.