So I broke down and took the HPT this morning. It was Positive! I wish I could say that I'm ecstatic and jumping with joy, but I'm not. Don't get me wrong it's exactly what I had hoped for, but I'm just not a virgin any more. I've been here before. I know what a long path there is between a positive HPT and an actual live baby. This whole IF process has made me so jaded that I am not able to celebrate victories along the way. I hate it!! I wish I could enjoy it and be in the moment, but I can't. Isn't that terrible?
I have an actual live being(s) inside of me (for the moment anyway), but I'm doing my damnest not to dream, not to think, and not to become attached. What kind of joyless life is this anyway? My husband is even more guraded. When I told him the results of the test, he said "Well, congratulations, for now anyway."
How do you ladies get the joy back in your life after repeated failures and heartbreaks? Are you able to see yourself on the other side? With or without a baby?