I forgot my cousin/BFF's birthday again! This is the second year in a row that I haven't called her on her birthday. Her birthday was on Sunday and that was the day of the retrieval and I just forgot to call her. But that's not all. Once I remembered her birthday yesterday, I still didn't call her. This time I made a conscious choice not to call her. I figured there is a reason why I have been forgetting her birthday two years in a row (that's not like me). After some soul searching I came to the conclusion that I still have some hurt feelings and harbor some resentment towards here. So here's the backstory:
My cousin and I are the same age. We're actually only a week apart (I'm younger). We had a close relationship growing up. We had a lot in common. Eventhough we haven't lived in the same town since we turned 18 and went away to different colleges, we tried to keep in close touch. We both ended up becoming engineers. We both got married in the same year, and so on. We now live on opposite coasts.
When it came to having children our paths differed. She has a son that will turn 4 in June and I'm still here. Now when she got pregnant I was very excited for her! I even flew over to the opposite coast (where she lives now) to visit with her for a week when she was in her second trimester and her husband had to go on a business trip out of the country. Even as I struggled with TTC, her motherhood never bothered me.
However, things started to change after I had my miscarriage last year. She called me once 3 weeks after she had heard the news from my sister. I just expected more from her. When she had a false positive triple screen test and had to wait for her amnio test results, I called her every day and checked on her. But when I had a miscarriage, and I was specially needy, she called me only once 3 weeks later. Her excuse was that she had been busy and really just didn't know what to say to me.
So I realized that eversince my miscarriage last year, I just don't feel the same towards her. It's not like I've actively held a grudge or anything. We have kept in touch and talked on the phone all the while not feeling an ounce of intimacy in our conversations/relationship. For that same reason, I have not shared any of my IF struggles with her.
So now the question is where do we go from here? Will things ever be the same? Should I call her and pour my heart out to her in an attempt to salvage our friendship?