Friday, April 25, 2008

Today is a new day

I went home from work last night. Took a long shower and poured myself a glass of wine. I was starting to make dinner when DH arrived. He was surprised to see me with a glass of wine. DH doesn't drink and I only drink when we have company or when we go out. I told him about my day with JellyBelly and he said: "that explains the wine". He was very sweet and supportive. He said JellyBelly is most likely a bully and I should stand up to him or he will continue his verbal assault on me. I said I'll think about it.

I feel much better and very calm today. The gorgeous weather outside and the sunshine through my office window have helped my mood. I also got a reassuring voicemail from my boss telling me to ignore JellyBelly and that he'll deal with him when he gets back into the office next week.

Now, I can go back to obsessing about this IVF cycle. I have my suppression check Monday morning and stims are likely to start next week. I just can't get excited about this cycle. Last cycle, I was very hopeful. I knew that it may not work (and it didn't), but I believed I had a pretty good chance. Dr. A put my odds at 60% and I believed him! This time not so much! I know it's probably normal to feel this way after a failed cycle, but I have this superstitious feeling that it won't work unless I believe in it and I can't get myself to believe in it. Is that silly?


Pepper said...

It's so nice that your DH and boss are so supportive! Definitely keep them both. :-)

The apathy thing is normal. There's a sort of protective, BTDT kind of feeling after you've tried a protocol once that prevents you from being able to get excited the next time you try. No worries. We'll be excited for you.

Have a great weekend!

Paranoid said...

It's not silly at all, though I often catch myself thinking the same way. After almost two years in this TTC game, though, it's just too hard to let myself get excited and hopeful about each new cycle. I tell myself that while having a good attitude is important, it's not nearly as important as safeguarding my long-term mental health.

Good luck this cycle!

Ahuva Batya said...

Good your your DH for being there for you! I hope you have a good appointment today!