I got so angry today, I referred to one of our projects' customers as a "Two-faced Self-promoting Ass" to one of his colleagues. Granted, his colleague agreed with my assessment, but this is so out of character for me! I am usually much more composed at work and am able to control my feelings and act in a "professional manner". But today, I just couldn't take it any more. This guy, let's call him "JellyBelly", has over the past couple of weeks, constantly made snide remarks and thrown little insults and innuendos in my direction. I have been ignoring his behavior, because my own management has been behind me and has paid little attention to him. But, today after reading his latest snide comment in an e-mail, I just lost it. I marched over to his colleague's office and mouthed off. Just because he is the damn customer doesn't mean he can go on treating me like this. At times like this I always have to wonder in the back of my mind that in this male-dominated profession, would I have been treated this way if I were a man? Or would a man had taken so much shit before giving as good as he gets?
I'm thinking this is one of the reasons I haven't shared my IF vows with my colleagues and bosses at work. The last thing I want is to be labeled as hormonal and irrational when I have every right to get angry and react!
I haven't even started stimming yet. I don't know how I'm going to continue to deal with JellyBelly next week when I start the injections. My instincts tell me to tell him off completely and publicly.
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I did a lot of meditating using some IVF meditation tapes that were recommended to me, during my IVF cycle. I found them to be not only helpful to start/end the day, but also I got better at taking that breathing and meditation action during the middle of the day when I got really angry or stress at work. A few minutes of deep breathing, closing your eyes, can really help with the hormonal onslaught. Good luck!
Yeah, I think the hormones can turn off the "filters" in our brains that prevent us from saying out loud all the things we're thinking.
His issues are not about you. Even though he's directing the comments toward you, they come from a place of deep-seated insecurity. Maybe he even "likes you" (yeah, I know it's gross). Sometimes I'm amazed at how poorly men express their feelings.
If you can stick up for yourself in a way that will have your management completely 100% behind you, then I don't see anything wrong with using the hormones to your advantage. But if you aren't sure you won't cross the line and say something you'll regret later, then perhaps that's a conversation better saved for another time.
Hang in there! Hopefully, The Ass will take a vacation soon so you won't have to deal with him for a while.
I should have posted this on your last post. I felt terrible on the BCP, too. I complained enough about the nausea and vomiting that they switched me to the Nuvaring. What a life saver!! It's a lower dose of estrogen. I felt better that same day. Once I started the Follistim my headacheds subsided and my mood lifted a bit, too, and I didn't feel as edgy. The Luprolide definitely made me intolerant. I'm right ahead of you with my cycle. I'm cheering for you. Hang in there.
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