Monday, July 21, 2008

Absenteeism

I know I have been absent from my blog for a long time. Truth be told, I have been absent from my life for just as long. I mean, I have been going through the motions, going to work, making dinner, walking the dogs, visiting with family, etc., but through it all, I haven't really been there! It's like my life is a movie I'm watching on TV. I haven't been able to feel anything. I'm not sad or dejected, just not there. The crazy part is no one seems to have noticed. Occasionally, my husband has suspected that I may not be all there, but he has been walking on eggshells around me lately. So as far as he's concerned lack of emotional response may be a good thing for now.

Today, however, for the first time in a long time, I cried. I cried in the shower when I saw the scars from the tube removal surgery. I cried when my puppy (OK at 3.5 years, he's really not a puppy anymore) fell down the stairs in an overzealous attempt to walk me out to my car. Later on my way to work, on a conference call, I had an emotional response(slightly raised my voice) while disagreeing with a coworker. So I figured if I'm returning to my real life, I should also make an appearance in my virtual life.

Thank you all for your support all this time!

5 comments:

Pepper said...

Crying is good, babe. You are definitely entitled. Big hugs and lots of love.

Evil Stepmonster said...

Reality is hard, especially after what you've been through, I imagine it will take a while to get back to normal. Don't rush. Take care.

Baby Step said...

Honey, you sound just like me. I have been MIA as well. I am going through the motions but not feeling anything. I cried a lot right after the BFN but now I am just blah. BLAH. Huge hugs for you. I hope we return to life soon.

P.S. I call my dog a puppy too. His name is Sutter but I call him Sutter Puppy or Sutter Pup.

the Babychaser: said...

Welcome back to real life, Joonie. It kind of sucks, but it's all we've got.

I'm amazed at how much I can seem, to the outside world, to be going through life just fine. When inside I'm either MIA, or cracking up, or breaking down. Makes me wonder sometimes how many other people out there, who seem okay, really aren't.

Feelings suck. But they're better than the alternative.

Michelle said...

I hate crying in the shower. It always seems so secretive and shameful when if fact it's totally OK to cry. You've got to get it out in order to heal. I hope things get easier for you soon.