Absenteeism

I know I have been absent from my blog for a long time. Truth be told, I have been absent from my life for just as long. I mean, I have been going through the motions, going to work, making dinner, walking the dogs, visiting with family, etc., but through it all, I haven't really been there! It's like my life is a movie I'm watching on TV. I haven't been able to feel anything. I'm not sad or dejected, just not there. The crazy part is no one seems to have noticed. Occasionally, my husband has suspected that I may not be all there, but he has been walking on eggshells around me lately. So as far as he's concerned lack of emotional response may be a good thing for now.

Today, however, for the first time in a long time, I cried. I cried in the shower when I saw the scars from the tube removal surgery. I cried when my puppy (OK at 3.5 years, he's really not a puppy anymore) fell down the stairs in an overzealous attempt to walk me out to my car. Later on my way to work, on a conference call, I had an emotional response(slightly raised my voice) while disagreeing with a coworker. So I figured if I'm returning to my real life, I should also make an appearance in my virtual life.

Thank you all for your support all this time!

What's Next?

I had my follow-up appointment with my RE yesterday. He was nice and sympathetic as usual. He apologized again for the outcome of the cycle. So I was all armed and ready with all my questions about how defective I am after this surgery and how the lack of one tube will affect my fertility, if I were to try and conceive naturally. I know, it's a funny question to ask, considering I haven't had much success on my own. But I had managed to conceive twice without medical intervention. I just never carried to term (or anywhere close to term). Anyway, his answers as usual were not any more enlightening than the research I had done myself on the subject.

So onto FET#1. Since their embryology lab shuts down for a couple of weeks in August. My next chance for a cycle is in September. I hate waiting.