After my daughter was born, she had to spend a few days in the NICU. It was one of the most difficult times of my life. It was hard to see my little baby in the ICU connected to all of those machines, and I felt so utterly helpless and inadequate. There was nothing I could do to help her, I just had to wait for her to get better on her own. The worst part was that my husband just refused to go see her in the NICU. I think it was too hard for him, he couldn't handle it. I faithfully showed up every 3 hours where the nurses would help me try and feed her with a bottle. My milk hadn't come in and she needed badly to gain weight, so there went my hopes of a smooth start to breastfeeding. Even with the bottle, she was so weak she would barely eat anything before passing out. They kept her on IV nutrition for the first couple of days.
Once she started eating, things got better quickly. They took out her IV. She was able to maintain her blood sugar and her temperature. The NICU staff was very optimistic and ready to discharge her when she came down with jaundice (which apparently is quite common in preemies). They kept her an extra day and put her under the light. Once the jaundice was gone, they did another thorough check up and discovered that she had a heart murmur. So a cardiologist was brought in for a consult. After doing a sonogram on her heart, the cardiologist told me that she has a hole in her heart. At this point, my heart dropped, time seemed to have stopped and I was about to pass out. The cardiologist noticing this, proceeded to tell me that she is still considered perfectly healthy and in all likelihood the hole will close in a couple of month and it is not a cause for concern! I'm not sure how I started to breath again, but somehow I managed to get myself outside where I had a good cry. All I could think about was that my baby had a hole in her heart! And it was somehow my fault! I was totally and completely irrational.
Anyway, my baby was released from NICU the following day. I still couldn't believe they were letting us take that tiny little baby home with us. How were we going to care for her? In addition, my support system had totally fallen through. My Mom was very ill (arthritis, I thought - more on that later) and couldn't help out. My mother-in-law had saved her one week of vacation for the time that I was actually due and couldn't help us then. So it was just the two of us.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Birth Story
It all started on a Saturday night. It was the night before Easter Sunday and I was at a party at my cousin's house with friends and family talking about my impending baby shower. The baby shower was scheduled for the following weekend. I told everyone that I had a hunch that I wouldn't make it to my baby shower and will give birth before then. They all laughed it off.
Well, that night around 1:00 a.m. when I was laying in bed, all of a sudden I felt all wet down there. I got up and rushed to the bathroom not knowing what to expect, thinking that I may be bleeding only to see and feel lots of water gushing out! I was in complete shock! There were no contractions! No pain! Nothing but lots and lots of water coming out of me. My husband was still awake working on his computer. I came out of the bathroom and announced that my water had broke and we most likely will have to go to the hospital. Then I called my OB's answering service and waited for him to call. While I was sitting on the bed waiting for the call, I felt my bed getting wet, even though I was wearing double pads and underwear and Jeans. At that time, I told my husband, let's just go to the hospital. So we were in the car, when the OB called back and told us to go to the hospital and he'll meet us there. I quickly called my parents house to tell them what's going on. They thought I was kidding at first, since they had just seen me a few hours ago and there were no signs of labor, but when I started crying they believed me. I told them that I will update them when I get to the hospital and I know more.
So we got to the ER, and they sent us directly to labor and delivery to get checked in. The nurses were so calm taking their time getting my information, weighing me, etc. And this whole time, I was terrified and visibly shaking. I was so not ready for this! We hadn't painted the nursery or assembled the crib or anything.
Finally, after what seemed like a very long time, my OB came and examined me. Yes, indeed the water had broken, and no I was not dilated at all. The cervix was closed! They put the fetal heart monitor on me and started me on IV antibiotics. The doctor said that since I'm 35 weeks along if labor were to start they wouldn't stop it, but they would like to keep the baby in there as long as possible as long as I don't show any signs of an infection (which sometimes happens when the water breaks early). Basically, I would have to stay on bedrest until I go into labor, it could be a few hours or a few days. But one thing was for sure, I wasn't leaving the hospital until I had given birth. I was somewhat relieved that I wasn't having a C-section that night. I thought since my water had broken and I had no contractions, they would have to perform a C-section.
Anyway, my contractions started around noon on Sunday, but they were very mild and hours apart. Again we waited as I was constantly monitored for fever and signs of infection and laying there listening to the fetal heart monitor. On Sunday afternoon my Mom and my sister came to stay with me while my husband went home to quickly clean out the baby's room and put together the essentials.
This went on for another day. On Monday morning, I had a mild fever. My OB said that if it doesn't clear by the afternoon they would induce labor. I asked about the risks to the baby, he said the baby should be fine, but he'd ask the neonatologist on staff to come and talk to me about that. The first question the neonatologist asked me was whether I knew the sex of the baby. When I said I'm expecting a girl. She expressed relief and said that baby girls are usually more mature and this stage and have less of a chance of developing complications. Anyway, she went over the risks of delivering vs risks of possible infection if we waited any longer. After talking to her, it was clear to us that we were having the baby that day. So finally, since my fever didn't clear at around 4:00 p.m. the OB started inducing labor by using the vaginal gel. At that time, I asked him when I can get the Epidural injection and he (the sweet man that he is) said that I could get it whenever I wanted. He said that just bear in mind that it will slow down labor if you get it too early but it is totally up to you.
Around 8:00 p.m I couldn't take the pain anymore and asked for the epidural (I was only 1.5 cm dilated). So the anesthesiologist came in and asked me to sit with my back curved towards him so that he can give me the shot. I had heard horror stories about the epidural injection and had prepared myself for the worst, but the doctor was so skilled at it that all I felt was a little pinch from the local anesthetic that he gave me. Almost immediately the contraction pain got less intense and within 10 minutes the pain seem to have completed gone away. The nurse told me that I should try and get some rest now before the labor starts.
I actually managed to sleep for a couple of hours I think which was great. By 10:00 p.m, I was fully dilated and felt a strong urge to push. That's when the real labor started. The nurse coached me as my sister and my husband were holding my hands on how to push and how to breath through the contractions. I pushed for two hours and I was exhausted, specially since they had me on a liquid diet for the past 24 hours (just in case I needed emergency surgery) and since I was diabetic that meant only broth and sugar free jello. I had no energy left.
The OB at this point recommended putting Pitocin in my IV to speed up the labor. So I pushed for another two hours. Finally, I was ready to give up (but didn't want to have a C-section either), I told the OB that I have such low blood sugar that if I close my eyes I will pass out. So she sent the nurse to get me some apple juice. I drank the juice and pushed with everything I had and closed my eyes. The nurses said, open your eyes, your baby's here. And there she was around 2:00 a.m. she made her entrance into this world! Unbelievable! The neonatal team took her away to examine her and that's when I heard her cry. It was surreal! They brought her back and put her in my arms. She opened her eyes and looked at me, seeming to say "Who are you?". It was incredible. I had her for a few minutes, and then they took her away to NICU to get her on IV antibiotics. The OB finished delivering the placenta and stitching me up (I had some minor tearing) and we were allowed to go and see our baby in NICU. It was heart-wrenching seeing that tiny baby (5 lb 6 oz) with two IV lines (one for meds the other for food) and hooked up to all these machines that were monitoring her heart rate, breathing and blood pressure. They told me that the baby had low blood sugar and they had to give her IV nutrition. I was like, no kidding! I had low blood sugar, since you hadn't fed us for the past 30 hours.
My husband and I went back to my room exhausted both physically and emotionally. There we were, parents at last!
Well, that night around 1:00 a.m. when I was laying in bed, all of a sudden I felt all wet down there. I got up and rushed to the bathroom not knowing what to expect, thinking that I may be bleeding only to see and feel lots of water gushing out! I was in complete shock! There were no contractions! No pain! Nothing but lots and lots of water coming out of me. My husband was still awake working on his computer. I came out of the bathroom and announced that my water had broke and we most likely will have to go to the hospital. Then I called my OB's answering service and waited for him to call. While I was sitting on the bed waiting for the call, I felt my bed getting wet, even though I was wearing double pads and underwear and Jeans. At that time, I told my husband, let's just go to the hospital. So we were in the car, when the OB called back and told us to go to the hospital and he'll meet us there. I quickly called my parents house to tell them what's going on. They thought I was kidding at first, since they had just seen me a few hours ago and there were no signs of labor, but when I started crying they believed me. I told them that I will update them when I get to the hospital and I know more.
So we got to the ER, and they sent us directly to labor and delivery to get checked in. The nurses were so calm taking their time getting my information, weighing me, etc. And this whole time, I was terrified and visibly shaking. I was so not ready for this! We hadn't painted the nursery or assembled the crib or anything.
Finally, after what seemed like a very long time, my OB came and examined me. Yes, indeed the water had broken, and no I was not dilated at all. The cervix was closed! They put the fetal heart monitor on me and started me on IV antibiotics. The doctor said that since I'm 35 weeks along if labor were to start they wouldn't stop it, but they would like to keep the baby in there as long as possible as long as I don't show any signs of an infection (which sometimes happens when the water breaks early). Basically, I would have to stay on bedrest until I go into labor, it could be a few hours or a few days. But one thing was for sure, I wasn't leaving the hospital until I had given birth. I was somewhat relieved that I wasn't having a C-section that night. I thought since my water had broken and I had no contractions, they would have to perform a C-section.
Anyway, my contractions started around noon on Sunday, but they were very mild and hours apart. Again we waited as I was constantly monitored for fever and signs of infection and laying there listening to the fetal heart monitor. On Sunday afternoon my Mom and my sister came to stay with me while my husband went home to quickly clean out the baby's room and put together the essentials.
This went on for another day. On Monday morning, I had a mild fever. My OB said that if it doesn't clear by the afternoon they would induce labor. I asked about the risks to the baby, he said the baby should be fine, but he'd ask the neonatologist on staff to come and talk to me about that. The first question the neonatologist asked me was whether I knew the sex of the baby. When I said I'm expecting a girl. She expressed relief and said that baby girls are usually more mature and this stage and have less of a chance of developing complications. Anyway, she went over the risks of delivering vs risks of possible infection if we waited any longer. After talking to her, it was clear to us that we were having the baby that day. So finally, since my fever didn't clear at around 4:00 p.m. the OB started inducing labor by using the vaginal gel. At that time, I asked him when I can get the Epidural injection and he (the sweet man that he is) said that I could get it whenever I wanted. He said that just bear in mind that it will slow down labor if you get it too early but it is totally up to you.
Around 8:00 p.m I couldn't take the pain anymore and asked for the epidural (I was only 1.5 cm dilated). So the anesthesiologist came in and asked me to sit with my back curved towards him so that he can give me the shot. I had heard horror stories about the epidural injection and had prepared myself for the worst, but the doctor was so skilled at it that all I felt was a little pinch from the local anesthetic that he gave me. Almost immediately the contraction pain got less intense and within 10 minutes the pain seem to have completed gone away. The nurse told me that I should try and get some rest now before the labor starts.
I actually managed to sleep for a couple of hours I think which was great. By 10:00 p.m, I was fully dilated and felt a strong urge to push. That's when the real labor started. The nurse coached me as my sister and my husband were holding my hands on how to push and how to breath through the contractions. I pushed for two hours and I was exhausted, specially since they had me on a liquid diet for the past 24 hours (just in case I needed emergency surgery) and since I was diabetic that meant only broth and sugar free jello. I had no energy left.
The OB at this point recommended putting Pitocin in my IV to speed up the labor. So I pushed for another two hours. Finally, I was ready to give up (but didn't want to have a C-section either), I told the OB that I have such low blood sugar that if I close my eyes I will pass out. So she sent the nurse to get me some apple juice. I drank the juice and pushed with everything I had and closed my eyes. The nurses said, open your eyes, your baby's here. And there she was around 2:00 a.m. she made her entrance into this world! Unbelievable! The neonatal team took her away to examine her and that's when I heard her cry. It was surreal! They brought her back and put her in my arms. She opened her eyes and looked at me, seeming to say "Who are you?". It was incredible. I had her for a few minutes, and then they took her away to NICU to get her on IV antibiotics. The OB finished delivering the placenta and stitching me up (I had some minor tearing) and we were allowed to go and see our baby in NICU. It was heart-wrenching seeing that tiny baby (5 lb 6 oz) with two IV lines (one for meds the other for food) and hooked up to all these machines that were monitoring her heart rate, breathing and blood pressure. They told me that the baby had low blood sugar and they had to give her IV nutrition. I was like, no kidding! I had low blood sugar, since you hadn't fed us for the past 30 hours.
My husband and I went back to my room exhausted both physically and emotionally. There we were, parents at last!
Friday, August 7, 2009
I'm Still Here!
I can't believe how long it's been since I last posted. For sure, I have lost most of my readership by now. But for those of you who haven't given up on me. I'm alive and so is my baby girl. She is 3.5 months now. She was born early at 35 weeks. I will do another post on the birth story.
My life has been so busy beyond belief and I've had so much going on, I haven't really had a chance to post anything. However, last night (or early this morning I should say) around 2:00 a.m. The baby was fussy and I got hysterical and started crying and couldn't stop. My husband had to take the baby away and give me a sedative for me to calm down. This morning while driving to work, I contemplated my break down and realized I so badly need an outlet. I need to talk to you ladies who have supported me so fully throughout my journey.
I will write more and bring you up to speed as to what's been going on with me later. I just wanted to let you know that I'm back and I intend to stay.
My life has been so busy beyond belief and I've had so much going on, I haven't really had a chance to post anything. However, last night (or early this morning I should say) around 2:00 a.m. The baby was fussy and I got hysterical and started crying and couldn't stop. My husband had to take the baby away and give me a sedative for me to calm down. This morning while driving to work, I contemplated my break down and realized I so badly need an outlet. I need to talk to you ladies who have supported me so fully throughout my journey.
I will write more and bring you up to speed as to what's been going on with me later. I just wanted to let you know that I'm back and I intend to stay.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Living with GD
Last week, I went to the high-risk OB's office to see the nutritionist about my GD. She gave me a very strict low-carb diet that I am to follow and I have to test my blood sugar 4 times a day. I asked whether I needed insulin, she said the doctor will re-asses after she sees the results of my blood sugar tests in a couple of weeks. She kept reassuring me that the testing won't hurt much and it's just a small needle until she looked at my file and saw that I had done IVF at which point she admitted that this should be a walk in the park for me.
I also had a growth scan which showed that the little one is on schedule with her size in the 55 percentile. The doctor said that if I manage to keep my blood sugar in check, my pregnancy should progress as though I don't have GD at all. That was a relief!
It all went well, until I actually tried to follow the diet. The first few days were brutal! I was hungry all the time and had no energy whatsoever. I couldn't even think straight. My job performance suffered, I almost got into car accidents, it was horrible! Not wanting to be a nag I was determined to hold off until my next appointment which was today. Fortunately by Tuesday, I had started to feel better, I think my body was relearning how to make use of protein for energy instead of easily accessible sugars and carbs.
Anyway, at my appointment today, the nutritionist said since my sugar levels seem to be well under control, I can start experimenting with modification to my diet and add carbs back in to see how my body does. That's such a relief! Although I am still slave to the needle (gulcose testing needle) that is, I seem to have regained some control over the situation.
I also had a growth scan which showed that the little one is on schedule with her size in the 55 percentile. The doctor said that if I manage to keep my blood sugar in check, my pregnancy should progress as though I don't have GD at all. That was a relief!
It all went well, until I actually tried to follow the diet. The first few days were brutal! I was hungry all the time and had no energy whatsoever. I couldn't even think straight. My job performance suffered, I almost got into car accidents, it was horrible! Not wanting to be a nag I was determined to hold off until my next appointment which was today. Fortunately by Tuesday, I had started to feel better, I think my body was relearning how to make use of protein for energy instead of easily accessible sugars and carbs.
Anyway, at my appointment today, the nutritionist said since my sugar levels seem to be well under control, I can start experimenting with modification to my diet and add carbs back in to see how my body does. That's such a relief! Although I am still slave to the needle (gulcose testing needle) that is, I seem to have regained some control over the situation.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
I Failed Again!
It's official. I have Gestational Diabetes. I failed my 3 hours glucose tolerance test. I'm trying not to be overly distraught about it, but I'm not sure I'm doing such a good job of that.
I'm scheduled to meet with a dietitian this Thursday to discuss next steps. However, I've been researching GD diets online and they're really not all that different from what I'm eating right now, so I fail to see how sticking to my diet (with some minor adjustments) is going to help any. Of course, as always, my mind wonders to all worst case scenarios (insulin shots, large baby, C-section, etc.). In a way this is not that different from all the other emotions that go with IF. The "why me?" factor is there as strong as ever. You know, I try to eat right, I take walks and I have only put on 17 lbs for this pregnancy (I'm in week 29). So I really didn't expect to be diagnosed with GD. But here I am. Yet another label I'm in denial about.
On the bright side, I only have 11 weeks to go (if I actually make it to 40).
I'm scheduled to meet with a dietitian this Thursday to discuss next steps. However, I've been researching GD diets online and they're really not all that different from what I'm eating right now, so I fail to see how sticking to my diet (with some minor adjustments) is going to help any. Of course, as always, my mind wonders to all worst case scenarios (insulin shots, large baby, C-section, etc.). In a way this is not that different from all the other emotions that go with IF. The "why me?" factor is there as strong as ever. You know, I try to eat right, I take walks and I have only put on 17 lbs for this pregnancy (I'm in week 29). So I really didn't expect to be diagnosed with GD. But here I am. Yet another label I'm in denial about.
On the bright side, I only have 11 weeks to go (if I actually make it to 40).
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
I Failed My Test!
I failed my glucose screening test. I took the test a couple of weeks ago and didn't hear back from my OB's office, so I thought that I had passed, cause they usually only call you if it's bad news. Today, I got a call from their office saying that I have failed the test and need to come in for the 3 hours glucose tolerance test.
For some reason this news has upset me a lot. I know failing the glucose screening test doesn't necessarily mean that I have Gestational Diabetes. Even if I did have GD, it can be controlled, managed, etc. But I'm still almost in tears. Maybe I'm overly emotional!
In addition, to my failure in the testing department, I had a flare up in a meeting at work earlier today that is bothering me. Usually, I'm level-headed at work and don't get too worked up about much, but today in a meeting, I got very upset when one of the other managers said something less than complementary about a member of my team. I could feel my face getting flushed as I was responding to him. I did my best to keep my words and tone level-headed, but my red face betrayed my true feelings. Afterward, my boss talked to me about it to see what had upset me and then the other manager came and talked to me and I tried to downplay it. I guess he was surprised that I got so upset, and now I feel bad that I will be written off as another hormone driven pregnant woman. I know I'm rambling, but you all know what I'm talking about, don't you?
For some reason this news has upset me a lot. I know failing the glucose screening test doesn't necessarily mean that I have Gestational Diabetes. Even if I did have GD, it can be controlled, managed, etc. But I'm still almost in tears. Maybe I'm overly emotional!
In addition, to my failure in the testing department, I had a flare up in a meeting at work earlier today that is bothering me. Usually, I'm level-headed at work and don't get too worked up about much, but today in a meeting, I got very upset when one of the other managers said something less than complementary about a member of my team. I could feel my face getting flushed as I was responding to him. I did my best to keep my words and tone level-headed, but my red face betrayed my true feelings. Afterward, my boss talked to me about it to see what had upset me and then the other manager came and talked to me and I tried to downplay it. I guess he was surprised that I got so upset, and now I feel bad that I will be written off as another hormone driven pregnant woman. I know I'm rambling, but you all know what I'm talking about, don't you?
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
I'm back
I have been away from blogging for almost a month! Series of events have kept me from writing. I had to travel for work and found out how uncomfortable it is to fly to the opposite coast in a crowded airplane while pregnant. Luckily, I had an aisle seat and could make my mandatory bathroom trip about every 30 minutes, but it was very tiring. Also, even though the time difference was only 3 hours, it seemed to make me very tired.
Well all that is behind me. I'm back at home, 27 weeks pregnant. I can hardly believe it! I still have done little to prepare for the baby. It's like I'm in denial. When does the nesting instinct kick in? Isn't it about time? I haven't bought a single baby related item and the nursery, well it's still a guest room, with all the guest room furniture still in it. I did finally put together a baby registry after being pestered about it by my friends and family. So at least that's something.
Maybe this weekend I'll be inspired to do more.
Well all that is behind me. I'm back at home, 27 weeks pregnant. I can hardly believe it! I still have done little to prepare for the baby. It's like I'm in denial. When does the nesting instinct kick in? Isn't it about time? I haven't bought a single baby related item and the nursery, well it's still a guest room, with all the guest room furniture still in it. I did finally put together a baby registry after being pestered about it by my friends and family. So at least that's something.
Maybe this weekend I'll be inspired to do more.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Oh Baby!
I thought pregnancy was about having a baby not turning into one. But I find that more and more my body (and me by extension) is acting like a baby. Here are a few examples:
- I cannot sleep through the night and wake up multiple times.
- I need to eat every 3-4 hours.
- I need to be burped after every feeding
- I get cranky when bored or overstimulated
- People who haven't seen me for a couple of weeks comment on how "they can't believe how much bigger I've gotten"
- Oh and let me not forget, I insist on being the center of the universe in my household and everything must revolve around me and my schedule!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Happy Happy! Joy Joy!
I had the anatomy scan this morning and the results were fabulously normal. The little one is right on track and all major organs have developed normally so far. I am ecstatic. I feel like the weight of the world was lifted off of my shoulders. I can finally breath! I had no idea how much tension I was actually carrying with me until I got the good news and tears just started rolling down my face. I was almost embarrassingly hysterical.
I guess now I have to actually plan for the little one's arrival. Something I have just been unable to do so far.
Thanks you for all of your comments and kind words this whole time. I'm off to surf the net for baby furniture!
I guess now I have to actually plan for the little one's arrival. Something I have just been unable to do so far.
Thanks you for all of your comments and kind words this whole time. I'm off to surf the net for baby furniture!
Monday, December 22, 2008
Isn't it lovely?
Last night, while I was driving I felt my baby move for the first time! The experience brought tears to my eyes. It was like nothing I have known before. It's a pulsating feeling inside your lower belly and it is wonderful!
I know I have been quiet for a while and haven't posted. Honestly I haven't had much to say. I've been going through life one day at a time hoping for the best. The anatomy scan is scheduled for the first week of January. At that point we will have a clue if the Single Umbilical Artery has caused any birth defects for our baby. I'm wishing and hoping that everything will be OK, but alas like everything else it is out of my hands (I hate that!). I think after I get the results of that scan I can either breath a sigh of relief or prepare myself for what it means to care for a baby with potential birth defects.
On the bright side, now that I can feel the baby move, the ever consuming question of "Is she still alive in there?" gets answered frequently. Oh what a blessing!
I know I have been quiet for a while and haven't posted. Honestly I haven't had much to say. I've been going through life one day at a time hoping for the best. The anatomy scan is scheduled for the first week of January. At that point we will have a clue if the Single Umbilical Artery has caused any birth defects for our baby. I'm wishing and hoping that everything will be OK, but alas like everything else it is out of my hands (I hate that!). I think after I get the results of that scan I can either breath a sigh of relief or prepare myself for what it means to care for a baby with potential birth defects.
On the bright side, now that I can feel the baby move, the ever consuming question of "Is she still alive in there?" gets answered frequently. Oh what a blessing!
Monday, November 17, 2008
Second Trimester
This week is the official start of the second trimester. Part of me still cannot believe I've made it this far! When we first started TTC, every month after my period, I would get out the calendar and mark what would be all the major milestones if I actually got pregnant that cycle. End of the first trimester was a huge milestone, along with possible due date, etc. Of course, after a year, it got really old. Now when I think back, I just laugh at my naivety.
Of course, after struggles with IF, with this pregnancy I have been so afraid to look into the future and actually plan anything in advance. I have a co-worker whose due date is in the same week as mine. She constantly talks about her plans and is astonished that I haven't made any.
I know, I have to actually start planning for this baby sometime, but it still seems too soon. Like I would jinx it if I planned too far ahead. Crazy?
Of course, after struggles with IF, with this pregnancy I have been so afraid to look into the future and actually plan anything in advance. I have a co-worker whose due date is in the same week as mine. She constantly talks about her plans and is astonished that I haven't made any.
I know, I have to actually start planning for this baby sometime, but it still seems too soon. Like I would jinx it if I planned too far ahead. Crazy?
Friday, November 7, 2008
The Results are in
A baby girl with no chromosomal abnormalities! Yeah! I know, the baby is still at a high risk for congenital heart and/or kidney disease. But I'll take my victories when I can. For now, no trisomies for my baby girl! yeah!
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Too Much Information
Yesterday, I went in for my CVS to the perinatalogist office. First they did a 30 minute long detailed ultrasound and then the Doctor (let's call him Dr. Smilesalot) came in to talk to me right before the procedure. He said there were a couple of findings on the ultrasound that concerned him and he wanted to discuss them with me. The first one was my blood flow to the uterus was not optimal and this could be an early indicator of preeclampsia and we should watch for that, the other was the the fetus has a single umbilical artery. Normal fetuses have two umbilical arteries and one vein. But mine only has one. This could be an indicator for chromosomal abnormalities or a host of other congential problems.
At this point I was stunned and couldn't really think of what to say or ask. He sort of went on to downplay it and said, well nothing is for certain, but if the CVS results come back normal, they'd like to monitor me closely throughout the pregnancy.
So there I was in a state of shock, about to go through what turned out to be a not so easy CVS procedure. I, Ladies, am blessed with a tilted uterus, and every doctor who has ever examined me says, oh you have a tilted uterus, did you know that? Of course, I knew, I have only been told that a 100 times. Anyway, this time I told the doctor about my uterus, so that he could make a decision of whether to perform the procedure transvaginally or through the abdomin. He said, it's Ok, I think I can make it work transvaginally (you think? Doesn't instill much confidence, does it?). Anyway, what was supposed to be a 10 minute procedure turned out to take 45 minutes. He managed to collect the sample that he wanted and he was very pleased with himself. I'll get the results back sometime on Friday.
I had some bleeding last night which I know is not unexpected, but made me panic anyway. I called the emergency clinic number and Dr. Smilesalot called me back and told me to monitor it closely and call him back if it gets any worse through the night and then he proceeded to give me his direct cell phone number (which never happens). Anyway, as luck would have it my bleeding stopped shortly after and now I've had some minor spotting today, so I didn't have to use Dr. Smilealot's cell phone number.
So today, I got on the internet and researched "preeclampsia" and "Single Umbilical Artery". Both conditions sound very dire and scray. I'm not really sure what to do at this point, except hope and pray that everything will be OK.
At this point I was stunned and couldn't really think of what to say or ask. He sort of went on to downplay it and said, well nothing is for certain, but if the CVS results come back normal, they'd like to monitor me closely throughout the pregnancy.
So there I was in a state of shock, about to go through what turned out to be a not so easy CVS procedure. I, Ladies, am blessed with a tilted uterus, and every doctor who has ever examined me says, oh you have a tilted uterus, did you know that? Of course, I knew, I have only been told that a 100 times. Anyway, this time I told the doctor about my uterus, so that he could make a decision of whether to perform the procedure transvaginally or through the abdomin. He said, it's Ok, I think I can make it work transvaginally (you think? Doesn't instill much confidence, does it?). Anyway, what was supposed to be a 10 minute procedure turned out to take 45 minutes. He managed to collect the sample that he wanted and he was very pleased with himself. I'll get the results back sometime on Friday.
I had some bleeding last night which I know is not unexpected, but made me panic anyway. I called the emergency clinic number and Dr. Smilesalot called me back and told me to monitor it closely and call him back if it gets any worse through the night and then he proceeded to give me his direct cell phone number (which never happens). Anyway, as luck would have it my bleeding stopped shortly after and now I've had some minor spotting today, so I didn't have to use Dr. Smilealot's cell phone number.
So today, I got on the internet and researched "preeclampsia" and "Single Umbilical Artery". Both conditions sound very dire and scray. I'm not really sure what to do at this point, except hope and pray that everything will be OK.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
CVS
The first time I got pregnant, I feverishly researched all of the prenatal testing and screenings available and agonized over what test I would subject myself and my unborn child to. Well, I never got far enough that time around.
Now, I have a CVS scheduled for next Wednesday. I know of the miscarriage risks, but I just can't take the uncertainty. I have to know if the baby is OK. Thankfully, my husband agrees with me. But as the time of my appointment nears, I find myself getting nervous about it. Has anyone out there had CVS? Do you care to share your experiences?
Now, I have a CVS scheduled for next Wednesday. I know of the miscarriage risks, but I just can't take the uncertainty. I have to know if the baby is OK. Thankfully, my husband agrees with me. But as the time of my appointment nears, I find myself getting nervous about it. Has anyone out there had CVS? Do you care to share your experiences?
Monday, October 27, 2008
Status Update and a Meme
Last week, I ended up telling my team at work that I am pregnant. I actually wanted to keep it to myself a bit longer, but my hand was forced. I had called a staff meeting and they had all assembled in the conference room. As soon as I walked in, I smelled a colleagues perfume which triggered my nausea and sent me running out of the conference room and into the bathroom. I had to spend a little time in the bathroom to clean up and regain my composure. Then I walked back into the conference room apologizing for running out and announcing my pregnancy and sensitivity to smells and requested that perfumes be toned down for a few months around me.
I had hoped for a more graceful way of announcing my pregnancy, but at least that's now behind me. That's good, since I'm already showing (isn't it too early to show at 11 weeks?).
Other than that I've been taking it one day at a time. I have my bouts with nausea and vomiting, which make me miserable and happy at the same time.
And also I have been tagged. Thanks, Jill. You're as always so good to me. All the answers to this meme need to be just one word.
1. Where is your cell phone? on my desk
2. Where is your significant other? home
3. Your hair color? black
4. Your mother? Mary
5. Your father? Alan
6. Your favorite thing? eating
7. Your dream last night? alien invasion
8. Your dream/goal? happiness
9. The room you’re in? office
10. Your hobby? knitting
11. Your fear? failure
12. Where do you want to be in six years? Europe
13. Where were you last night? my aunt's house
14. What you’re not? patient
15. One of your wish list items? boots
16. Where you grew up? on the beach
17. The last thing you did? took a walk
18. What are you wearing? a dress
19. Your T.V.? large screen
20. Your pet? Atilla
21. Your computer? laptop
22. Your mood? anxious
23. Missing someone? cousin
24. Your car? Audi
25. Something you’re not wearing? earings
26. Favorite store? yarn shop
27. Your Summer? lovely
28. Love someone? my husband
29. Your favorite color? purple
30. When is the last time you laughed? last night
31. Last time you cried? last night
I know I'm supposed to pass this on and tag some people, but my lovely friend pepper hasn't been blogging for a while and I don't mean to intrude on her privacy and force her out, if she's not ready. Pepper just know that I'm thinking of you.
I had hoped for a more graceful way of announcing my pregnancy, but at least that's now behind me. That's good, since I'm already showing (isn't it too early to show at 11 weeks?).
Other than that I've been taking it one day at a time. I have my bouts with nausea and vomiting, which make me miserable and happy at the same time.
And also I have been tagged. Thanks, Jill. You're as always so good to me. All the answers to this meme need to be just one word.
1. Where is your cell phone? on my desk
2. Where is your significant other? home
3. Your hair color? black
4. Your mother? Mary
5. Your father? Alan
6. Your favorite thing? eating
7. Your dream last night? alien invasion
8. Your dream/goal? happiness
9. The room you’re in? office
10. Your hobby? knitting
11. Your fear? failure
12. Where do you want to be in six years? Europe
13. Where were you last night? my aunt's house
14. What you’re not? patient
15. One of your wish list items? boots
16. Where you grew up? on the beach
17. The last thing you did? took a walk
18. What are you wearing? a dress
19. Your T.V.? large screen
20. Your pet? Atilla
21. Your computer? laptop
22. Your mood? anxious
23. Missing someone? cousin
24. Your car? Audi
25. Something you’re not wearing? earings
26. Favorite store? yarn shop
27. Your Summer? lovely
28. Love someone? my husband
29. Your favorite color? purple
30. When is the last time you laughed? last night
31. Last time you cried? last night
I know I'm supposed to pass this on and tag some people, but my lovely friend pepper hasn't been blogging for a while and I don't mean to intrude on her privacy and force her out, if she's not ready. Pepper just know that I'm thinking of you.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
It's all worth it
So I had my doctor's appointment yesterday. She said that she'd use the Doppler to listen to the baby's heartbeat. Wouldn't you know it, she searched around and around and there was nothing. At this point, I was about to have a heart attack. So she says, let's do a sonogram. So she puts the wand inside of me and she has the screen turned towards her which makes me panic even more. So finally she turns the screen towards me without saying a word and I'm struggling to make anything out when suddenly I see what looks like a baby raising its hand. At this point I say: "Is that what I think it is?". The doctor smiling says, yes your baby is saying Hi Mom. It was incredible, there it was the little one, alive and well and kicking up a storm. I had tears rolling down my face.
I haven't been this happy in a very long time! I cannot believe I've made it this far. I am 10 weeks pregnant! For the first time, I'm starting to believe that this could actually work.
As always, thank you all for helping me hold on to my sanity throughout this whole process.
I haven't been this happy in a very long time! I cannot believe I've made it this far. I am 10 weeks pregnant! For the first time, I'm starting to believe that this could actually work.
As always, thank you all for helping me hold on to my sanity throughout this whole process.
Monday, October 13, 2008
9 Weeks
My first pregnancy was lost at 9 weeks, and no matter how hard I try to put that out of my mind and think positive thoughts, I'm not able to. My next appointment is next Monday (at 10 weeks). At times I find myself trying to come up with an excuse to call the OB office and get an earlier appointment. Then I tell myself that it probably is a good idea to give myself a break from ultrasounds since I still have a subchorionic bleed and and shoving the ultrasound wand inside there every week can't be good for that.
Over the weekend, I was practically paralyzed with fear, scrutinizing every pregnancy symptom or lack thereof. I know, it doesn't make any sense. Specially since I have always had all of my pregnancy symptoms leading all the way up to a pregnancy loss, i.e. pregnancy symptoms do not equal live baby. But what else do I have to cling to?
I think lack of physical activity has contributed to my state of mind. I'm still not allowed any form of physical activity, forget about aerobics, I can't even take walks or do yoga. As Dr. Niceguy put it, "Do as little as possible to get through the day". All this stillness is driving me crazy, making me look inwards and obsessively analyze every sensation, every feeling, every thought.
Oh, if I could just get through this week (she says repeatedly...)
Over the weekend, I was practically paralyzed with fear, scrutinizing every pregnancy symptom or lack thereof. I know, it doesn't make any sense. Specially since I have always had all of my pregnancy symptoms leading all the way up to a pregnancy loss, i.e. pregnancy symptoms do not equal live baby. But what else do I have to cling to?
I think lack of physical activity has contributed to my state of mind. I'm still not allowed any form of physical activity, forget about aerobics, I can't even take walks or do yoga. As Dr. Niceguy put it, "Do as little as possible to get through the day". All this stillness is driving me crazy, making me look inwards and obsessively analyze every sensation, every feeling, every thought.
Oh, if I could just get through this week (she says repeatedly...)
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Internal Conflict
I'm starting to believe that my body just doesn't know how to coexist with the babies. It's either me or them. My body has managed to miscarry and misplace my previous embryos. The little one I'm carrying right now, however, is a fighter. It tried to take me out over the weekend. At least that's what it felt like. I couldn't keep any food or water down over the weekend. I was hungry, dehydrated and nauseous for 48 hours which made me think I was going to die.
So an emergency visit to my REs office on Monday morning revealed that the little one is doing fine, but I am severely dehydrated. The nurses hooked me up to an IV for fluids and Dr. Hotstuff prescribed Zofran for the nausea and sent me to see my regular OB.
In the afternoon, when I was properly hydrated, I went to the my new OBs office and had them remove the IV and had my first appointment with the new Doctor, I'll call him Dr. NiceGuy. He was sweet and empathetic, and told me that I should take it easy and everything is OK and I probably have Hyperemesis Gravidarium (severe nausea and vomiting) and the Zofran should take care of that, and does it ever! I'm telling you ladies I was apprehensive about taking any drugs during pregnancy, but this one was like a miracle drug. After only one dose, I was able to drink Gatorade and eat some crackers. It was awesome!
So it seems like my lovley parasite and I are going to be able to coexist for now thanks to the marvels of modern medicine.
So an emergency visit to my REs office on Monday morning revealed that the little one is doing fine, but I am severely dehydrated. The nurses hooked me up to an IV for fluids and Dr. Hotstuff prescribed Zofran for the nausea and sent me to see my regular OB.
In the afternoon, when I was properly hydrated, I went to the my new OBs office and had them remove the IV and had my first appointment with the new Doctor, I'll call him Dr. NiceGuy. He was sweet and empathetic, and told me that I should take it easy and everything is OK and I probably have Hyperemesis Gravidarium (severe nausea and vomiting) and the Zofran should take care of that, and does it ever! I'm telling you ladies I was apprehensive about taking any drugs during pregnancy, but this one was like a miracle drug. After only one dose, I was able to drink Gatorade and eat some crackers. It was awesome!
So it seems like my lovley parasite and I are going to be able to coexist for now thanks to the marvels of modern medicine.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Exhale!
After a week of bedrest, I went in for my ultrasound yesterday. And all is well. There was a strong fetal heartbeat. Dr. Hotstuff said that there is still some blood at the site of the placenta so I should expect some spotting/light bleeding for another week or two, but not to worry about it. Great big sigh of relief!
I'm telling you ladies, bedrest is just not meant for me. I was driving myself and my poor husband crazy all last week. I know people have to go on bedrest for extended periods of time and I salute them for getting through it with their sanity intact. I almost couldn't make it through last week. I tried my best to relax and have faith and let nature takes its course with my pregnancy. Anyway, it's over and it ended on a high note, so I couldn't be happier.
After my exam Dr. Hotstuff asked me if I had made an appointment with my regular OB yet? My first instinct was to say, no, I never thought I'd make it this far, but I managed to just utter no. She instructed me to do so. At this point I asked for referral to OBs in the area (since my own is about an hour drive from my current residence). She asked me some questions about what I was looking for in an OB (male/female, small/large practice, etc.) and gave me a recommendation. I was so impressed with her taking the time to recommend the right practice. So I got home and called the OB office, the receptionist told me they schedule the first OB appointment for when I'm 10 weeks along. Considering all my previous failed pregnancies had required medical intervention way before week, I thought that's a bit late for a first OB appointment, but I didn't argue with her and just made the appointment, since I have another appointment next week with Dr. Hotstuff (my final 8 week appointment at the RE clinic).
As always thank you for all your well wishes and support.
I'm telling you ladies, bedrest is just not meant for me. I was driving myself and my poor husband crazy all last week. I know people have to go on bedrest for extended periods of time and I salute them for getting through it with their sanity intact. I almost couldn't make it through last week. I tried my best to relax and have faith and let nature takes its course with my pregnancy. Anyway, it's over and it ended on a high note, so I couldn't be happier.
After my exam Dr. Hotstuff asked me if I had made an appointment with my regular OB yet? My first instinct was to say, no, I never thought I'd make it this far, but I managed to just utter no. She instructed me to do so. At this point I asked for referral to OBs in the area (since my own is about an hour drive from my current residence). She asked me some questions about what I was looking for in an OB (male/female, small/large practice, etc.) and gave me a recommendation. I was so impressed with her taking the time to recommend the right practice. So I got home and called the OB office, the receptionist told me they schedule the first OB appointment for when I'm 10 weeks along. Considering all my previous failed pregnancies had required medical intervention way before week, I thought that's a bit late for a first OB appointment, but I didn't argue with her and just made the appointment, since I have another appointment next week with Dr. Hotstuff (my final 8 week appointment at the RE clinic).
As always thank you for all your well wishes and support.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Another Scare!
Yesterday, I was at work and just about to go to a meeting when I felt warm liquid between my legs. I rushed into the bathroom to find myself bleeding heavily with red blood. I almost passed out at the sight. So I used a maxi pad from the bathroom and ran back to my office and frantically called my clinic and asked for my nurse. The receptionist put me through to her voicemail. I called back telling her that I needed to speak to my nurse and not her voicemail and that it was an emergency. So finally my nurse gets on the phone asking me how bad the bleeding is and whether I am at home. I told her that I was at work. In that case, she said you should go to the clinic's other location which is closer to work, just call them and let them know you're coming in. So I call the other location and explain my predicament to the receptionist. She put me on hold for 15 minutes (and I am not exaggerating cause I was keeping track of time so that I can tell the doctor how long I'd been bleeding), just as I was about to give up and was contemplating going to the emergency room. The receptionist got back on the phone with an attitude to tell me that they can't see me and if my nurse wanted me to be seen at that location she herself should have called it in. I had managed to stay relatively calm up to that point, but right then I lost my composure and broke down and said "but listen lady I'm bleeding heavily" and tears prevented me from uttering anything else. So she puts me on hold for another minute, comes back to tell me that I should go to my own clinic and that they are expecting me.
So I'm not sure how I managed to drive myself to the clinic. On the way, I called my husband and told him to meet me there. So I get to the clinic and am rushed into an exam room. Dr. Hotstuff comes in and puts the ultrasound wand inside me and says cheerfully: "There it is!". I ask "There what is?" She said the baby's heartbeat. I am like, but how is this possible, I'm still bleeding heavily. So she explores inside a bit more and finds an area around the placenta and tells me that's the source of your bleed. You have a sub-chorionic bleed. It's bleeding that occurs when the placenta is attaching itself to the uterus and according to Dr' Hotstuff, it is not uncommon.
So I'm able to breath again. I was so sure the pregnancy was lost and am so thankful that it's not. The bad news is that Dr. Hotstuff prescribed bedrest for the rest of this week and I go back in for another ultrasound on Monday. So it's not over yet, but I'm taking it one day at a time and am so grateful to be pregnant.
So I'm not sure how I managed to drive myself to the clinic. On the way, I called my husband and told him to meet me there. So I get to the clinic and am rushed into an exam room. Dr. Hotstuff comes in and puts the ultrasound wand inside me and says cheerfully: "There it is!". I ask "There what is?" She said the baby's heartbeat. I am like, but how is this possible, I'm still bleeding heavily. So she explores inside a bit more and finds an area around the placenta and tells me that's the source of your bleed. You have a sub-chorionic bleed. It's bleeding that occurs when the placenta is attaching itself to the uterus and according to Dr' Hotstuff, it is not uncommon.
So I'm able to breath again. I was so sure the pregnancy was lost and am so thankful that it's not. The bad news is that Dr. Hotstuff prescribed bedrest for the rest of this week and I go back in for another ultrasound on Monday. So it's not over yet, but I'm taking it one day at a time and am so grateful to be pregnant.
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